Obviously by ‘Final Preparations’, what I really mean is ‘Fuck! I’m running 10km in a week and I’ve been sat on my arse* eating cake and watching ‘Top Gear’ repeats on Dave!’. To get back on track, once I’d finished my cake and the ‘Indian special’ episode had ended, I decided to head out for a 10km run – just to make absolutely sure I could still run 10km. As I hadn’t run in a while, I made sure I followed all of my vital exercise tips that I have generously provided for your benefit. In particular, I followed the most important rule – Running tip number 3 (for those who have forgotten it’s “Plan your run so that you go past a hospital or two. That way, you can have a motivating defibrillation to re-energise your run at key points”). Having said that, I don’t have complete faith in the doctors at Stepping Hill Hospital due to the funeral directors either side of the main entrance.
BUSINESS TIP NUMBER 22: LOCATION IS CRUCIAL TO BUSINESS SUCCESS. FOR A FUNERAL DIRECTOR NEAR A HOSPITAL, AMBULANCES ARE FREE TAXIS BRINGING IN NEW CLIENTS.
This 10km run, however, is still a pretty dull affair. Or it was until it became a grudge match. My 18 year old brother has decided that he is going to take me on. The competition should be a close one. On the one hand, he beats me for height and athleticism. On the other hand, I have far greater momentum when I get up to speed and my ample ‘pecs’ will give me a crucial advantage should it come to a dip on the line. Thanks for reading and more to come on the grudge match.
*For my American readers, ‘arse’ is the correct way to spell and pronounce ‘ass’.
The Ultimate Lazy Man's Guide to Not Being a Fat Fucker 